One Clap Speech and Debate
One Clap Speech and Debate is a resource for Speech and Debate coaches and competitors. We interview heroes of the Speech and Debate community about the transformative power of the activity and work to provide free and helpful content for Speech and Debate enthusiasts. Lyle Wiley, an English teacher and Speech and Debate Coach in Thermopolis, Wyoming, hosts the show.
One Clap Speech and Debate
Camp One Clap 2, Episode 8: Facing Fears and Overcoming Anxiety with Ella and Addy Goodman
6:8 - Camp One Clap 2024: Day 8
For notes and details about the episode, check out the website here:
https://www.oneclapspeechanddebate.com/post/camp-one-clap-2-episode-8-facing-fears-and-overcoming-anxiety-with-ella-and-addy-goodman
What if facing your biggest fears could lead you to discover your deepest passions? Join us on day eight of Camp One Clap, where Ella and Addy Goodman share their journey through the world of speech and debate, transforming anxieties into achievements. Ella and Addy reflect on coping with anxiety and self-doubt, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. Tune in for a blend of inspiration, advice, and a touch of the supernatural to fuel your own journey of self-discovery.
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Hey campers, camp One Clap is in full swing. Here on day eight, we're doing our best and straight up thriving out here in the clapocalypse. Here to join us today at camp are two fabulous speech and debate stars friend of the podcast, ella Goodman, and new camp staffer Addie Goodman. I'm your camp director and host of the One Clap Speech and Debate podcast, lyle Wiley. We aim to ignite inspiration and courage for everyone listening and help you overcome your fears and confidently bring your vibrant voices to the speech and debate season. Quick reminder check the One Clap socials for today's social media challenge. There's still lots of awesome engagement out there and I absolutely love it. Let me tell you about Ella and Addie, who are here to chat about ways to handle anxiety and performance and give us some other nuggets of inspiration and advice.
Lyle Wiley:Ella Goodman took part in speech and debate for all four years of her high school career. She has competed in public forum, world schools, expository and informative, which was her main and favorite event. Her passion for speech and debate stems from her belief in its ability to empower young people, providing them with a platform to share their passions and perspectives on a variety of topics. Some accomplishments she is most proud of include being the champion of informative speaking at the National Individual Events Tournament of Champions, placing 14th at NSDA National Tournament in Informative, being a two-time state champion in Informative and being a four-time national qualifier.
Lyle Wiley:Addie Goodman competed in her very first year of speech in 2023 to 2024 school year at East High School. She's competed in drama, humor, duo and poetry, with humor being her main event. Addie loves interpretation events because she believes that you can share an important message through acting. Some accomplishments that Addie is most proud of are winning the MASC II tournament, qualifying to nationals, breaking to finals at state, winning novice of the year and breaking to octofinals at nationals. All right, let's jump into my interview with ella and addy goodman. Thank you both for joining me here at the clap up, the clapocalypse uh, try saying that three times really fast we're excited to be here.
Ella Goodman:Yes, clap clapocalypse. Yes, help us survive the clap apocalypse.
Lyle Wiley:Yes set the tone, um, and start thinking about fear and, and uh, being scared. What do you? What's your favorite scary story, like a movie, a book, just a spoken word story? What do you got for me?
Addy Goodman:uh, you go first.
Ella Goodman:Okay, I'm still thinking, oh, I don't think. I mean, I don't know addy's answer, but we both are not really super into scary stuff. We would much rather watch something happy. I mean, we used to, I used to like this is kind of mean, but like sometimes when addy and I would like have sleepovers together, I would like tell scary stories and then she would get really freaked out like there was this one. It's really sad. It's more of a sad story than a scary story about like this lady that like lives in the woods by herself and she's like an old lady and, like her dog licks her feet every night before she goes to bed. But then one night she like reads in the newspaper about this guy who like escaped from a mental institution, and then she, like her dog is licking her feet, and then she, like her dog is licking her feet and then she like goes into the bathroom when a dog is dead in the bathtub.
Ella Goodman:Like I remember, I told addy that one time and she could not sleep for like weeks. That's best. I don't know if I'm gonna sleep for weeks I was just gonna say something like hocus pocus okay, well, I had to be creative, I had to think of a good one. Yes, oh, oh, my goodness.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, that's a pretty terrifying story. Yeah, I know, have you recovered? Have?
Addy Goodman:you recovered from her telling you that story? No, sometimes I actually do still think about it.
Lyle Wiley:Are you going to roll with Hocus Pocus Addie? Is that your answer?
Addy Goodman:Yeah, I think Hocus Pocus is my answer. It's not very scary, but it's like Halloween scary.
Ella Goodman:I was scared of Zootopia when I first watched it is that a scary? Well, to me it was scary like I don't remember some part. It like jump scared me. I was just scared of lots of things, so anything can count as a scary story for me.
Lyle Wiley:Okay, well, I'll keep that in mind. Be careful, okay. What were you going to say, addie? Sorry.
Ella Goodman:Oh, I was trying to think of I don't know like my favorite Halloween movie or something. Yeah, I don't know. There's so many good ones. Except I like happy Halloween movies, not scary.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, you don't watch the scary serial killer movies or the slasher bloody movies.
Addy Goodman:You're not into that stuff I felt like really tempted to before, though oh yeah, because it's like you see things. Well, I see things on like social media and like that makes me want to watch them and figure out what happens.
Ella Goodman:You know, like on tiktok when they post like like a part of an episode of like some scary moot show and then you go on the profile and you like watch the whole episode in segments how people do it on tiktok.
Lyle Wiley:That's probably the most I've watched of a scary movie, but I don't know, almost against your will, like you just kind of grab a hole into it. I just can't stop watching this yeah yeah, it's hard to look away sometimes. Let's transition from scary stories to the apocalypse. Say there's an actual apocalypse, hopefully this won't happen, but there's a dystopian universe that we were living in, now this wasteland. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, um, what are your survival chances? Uh, both of you, what do you think?
Ella Goodman:I feel like, okay, what kind of apocalypse is it? Is it like the zombie apocalypse?
Lyle Wiley:like I mean we could roll with the zombie apocalypse, I mean okay it could also just be like a you know, low resources, uh, embattled the wasteland, kind of apocalypse too, which is similar to the zombie apocalypse, I guess. Um, but yeah, I don't know, what do you think?
Addy Goodman:do you think you could survive in a situation where you can go first I think I would, um, I agree, I think that I have, I don't know, I think that I would just have good instincts with that I don't, I don't know. Also, I feel like the hunger games, they kind of. I feel like I'd like you'd do good, use some tactics for sure to maybe survive. So I think my chances of surviving is probably like an eight oh, I would give you like a nine.
Ella Goodman:Okay, I think addy would. I addy would totally survive the apocalypse. I think the hardest thing for her would be like no 10-step skincare routine, but like other than that I think you could do it. Addie, I think me. No, I'm not making it very far.
Addy Goodman:I think that you would. I think maybe you would just like step out. If it was like a zombie apocalypse and you were hiding, you'd just step out and show yourself.
Ella Goodman:No, I give myself a three, I give you a four.
Addy Goodman:I think, I think you're at a four.
Ella Goodman:The moral of the story is I think Addie is doing a lot better in the apocalypse than I am.
Lyle Wiley:Gotcha, are there specific skills that you both bring to the table? That would be useful in an apocalyptic situation.
Ella Goodman:I mean, you're both very strong communicators. I think I'm like, oh my gosh, when we go to speech tournaments, I am an overpacker, so I would definitely be prepared. I would have like food, flashlights, you know, I don't know what else you need in an apocalypse, but I would. I'd be stocked up, that's. I think I would be good like planning ahead and bringing what we need. I don't, I don't know, you would get violent, okay that's what I think.
Addy Goodman:I don't think I think, I think I'd find a good hiding spot good, a good hider.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, can either of you cook um?
Addy Goodman:I can, I think yeah I feel like I can cook.
Ella Goodman:If I have a recipe, I'm fine. I can't just like make things like off the top of my head, though are you campers some? Things. No, I would rather go glamping than camping. I don't like going to the bathroom in the woods. I don't like porta potties I love camping.
Addy Goodman:I think it's so fun. I've only been camping like twice in my life, but every single time I've done it.
Ella Goodman:I love it, reconnecting with nature like no, I like I like being outside, but I like don't I get too scared to like sleep in a tent like you never know what's gonna. Somebody could just walk in the tent. Like I need to lock the door, I need to be safe, I need, I need security like that fair enough?
Lyle Wiley:uh, yes, I'm feeling like ella's not gonna have a good chance of surviving the apocalypse you never know so far, out of most of the folks that I've talked to, speech and debate. People in general maybe aren't the uh, they maybe don't have the best chance of like doing super well in the apocalypse. Uh, most of us are like I don't think I have much to bring to the table. I'm really organized and can communicate, but, like yeah I still think, addy, she, she's pretty.
Ella Goodman:I think she's pretty strong. Like she's been been working out in the basement. I can hear it from my room Like I feel like you could beat up some zombies. Yeah, yeah, I think I have faith in her. I think she's surviving.
Lyle Wiley:Cool. Well, addie's probably our best bet so far. So it's good to know, good to know. So, ella, we've talked about your speech and debate origin a little bit, but I'd like to revisit this question for both you and Addie. What got you two into speech and debate? And you know, like, how did you get started at all?
Ella Goodman:You want me to go first? Yeah, okay. Well, in eighth grade, I remember eighth grade was the 2019-2020 school year for me, so it was like the beginning of COVID. 2019, 2020 school year for me. So it was like the beginning of COVID. But before we all got sent home from school and stuff, I remember we were signing up for electives and one of my friends and I we were like like I was like I want to like take this speech class.
Ella Goodman:I didn't know what speech and debate was. I had no idea, but I was always so scared. I was so, so scared of like public speaking. I was so shy, I, but I was like I need to like push myself. You know, I was like I'm going to high school, I need to like try new things and be brave and whatever. So I just like signed up for the class and then, you know, the school year started.
Ella Goodman:We were, we had masks and we had to get our temperature taken. You know, every time we walked into school. But I came in the speech room and I was like I was so scared and then they started talking about like oh, this is what speech is, this is how it works, and I, like I decided. I was like I'm not doing it, this is so scary, like it's not happening. But then, like I don't. Like Vaini always says like do it and you're cool, you just got to try it, you know. And so I mean I came to practices, I like participated in the class and I was so scared but I mean I found that I really liked it. You know, I really like to talk about something that I'm like passionate about or that I think is interesting, and I've just stuck with it ever since.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, that's's yours, that is cool that's a nice like uh overcoming fears kind of story too which we'll be talking about but yeah, so what about you, addy? Was this, uh, totally different kind of experience coming into the speech debate universe?
Addy Goodman:yeah, um, I've obviously known about speech ever since sixth grade because Ella was a freshman my sixth grade year and I just remember she, she's just always told me like sixth through eighth grade that I just like have to do speech, like I have to do it.
Addy Goodman:I I remember I always told her I'm like I'm not gonna do it, I just don't think I could do it, I don't think it would, I couldn't handle like driving home really late at night, getting home late from like tournaments. And I remember in eighth grade I just like I just decided I was like OK, I'll just switch it like when I don't like it next year, because I don't think I'm going to like it, I'll just switch my elective and sign up for it. And I walk in there the first day into my speech class and it's my first ever class of high school and I just remember walking in there and I don't know I just like there was just a very like nice energy to it but it was still very nerve wracking for me. And I remember like the first day our friend Solomon just like kind of like talked me through all of the events and it was really scary and I remember I always like kind of wanted to do humor. That's always been like something that I've really wanted to do. I called it.
Ella Goodman:I told her from the beginning I was like Addie, this would. You would be so good at this. Like humor is just such an Addie event.
Addy Goodman:And I was like I knew it and we had to like sign up on a sheet for all the events we wanted to do and I was like choosing things like PF instead of like humor. I was like choosing all the debates. I personally think I'm more of a speech person, but I was signing up for all the debate events I was not going to. Are you there, God? It's be Margaret. The script I got this year and I just kind of started to love doing interp and it just like became something that I loved and obviously like doing it with Ella was like so fun this year before she leaves. So that's kind of what made me do it, so like Ella was the one that inspired me. Okay.
Ella Goodman:This Addy was talking about. She didn't want to come home super late. I know that people won't be able to see this picture, but oh my gosh, this is a picture of addie when we got home from our first overnight tournament. She was exhausted, she, she was so tired. She was like, oh my gosh. She was like I'm never going on one of these again. It was hilarious.
Lyle Wiley:Addie's definitely not a night owl, I think I am when I'm at home.
Addy Goodman:She hates the bus. I hate the bus. It's pretty rough back there sometimes.
Ella Goodman:Oh my gosh. You know how Sharina and I have our Crocs. Addie has Crocs now too, but we always sit by the heater and I'm always the sacrifice. I'm always the one right on top of the heater and one of my Crocs is, like you know, smaller than the other one because it's melted on the heater Like the bus is a struggle.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, the Crocs don't agree with. Like the heater, heater, that's like. No one place where it's probably not great to have crocs is like next to a heat source like a campfire. Yeah, so the crocs will live on, though um after they're gone ella.
Ella Goodman:Yeah, I'm gonna continue on the legacy of andrew. Andrew schultz, he has a pair ofcs too.
Addy Goodman:He was styling them since the beginning of the year. He had them since the beginning.
Lyle Wiley:So the Crocs will be repped, even though Elle is gone and Sharina graduated. So sad. That's a legacy. That's a true legacy to pass on. So what about some good origin stories Between the two of you? You probably have a lot of events you've competed in. What are some of the events you've competed in?
Ella Goodman:Oh, you have more, you can go first.
Addy Goodman:Oh, okay, I've done humor duo, drama and poetry. Yeah and X-Boss, oh and X-Boss, yeah Right.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah. And Ella you've mostly done platform right. But, did you branch out a little bit this year? You were talking about maybe doing that.
Ella Goodman:Well, okay, I started. I was going to do Congress because this man named Will Ward I don't know if you know him he peer pressured me into it.
Lyle Wiley:He's good at peer pressure.
Ella Goodman:Yeah, he was like congress, do congress. And I was so scared and I didn't like want to, but I like planned for the first tournament to do congress. I was like I don't want to do congress. And for months he thought I was doing congress so he would print the dockets for me waste so much paper and I was so scared to tell him that I quit congress. I was so scared when I told him I well, don't print these for me anymore, I don't do Congress. He's like oh okay, but so I started in Congress. Then I went to PF. I competed in PF for one tournament. Patrick Coggin was my partner, so shout out to Patrick. And then I went to info and that's like what I did for most of my career. I did, though, at nationals. I did world schools once and I've done a lot of expository, which I love expository.
Lyle Wiley:So yeah, Expository is a really fun cool event, so yeah, it's kind of we had it on the regular circuit.
Ella Goodman:I like these like five minute events.
Lyle Wiley:They're kind of a little bit easier to judge too. I think a little bit easier to judge too, I think, a little bit more accessible for people. But, yeah, we should, addie, you did pretty well in Expos this year.
Addy Goodman:Yeah, I made it to. I can't remember how far did I make it. I think quarterfinals, right, yeah, somewhere like that. But yeah, it was very cool, yeah, and it was so awesome it was very cool yeah, and Ellie, you did well in your main event this year.
Lyle Wiley:So you went all the way to semifinals this year and informative in your senior year.
Ella Goodman:Yeah, it was so fun, amazing. I met so many nice people. It was awesome, so cool.
Lyle Wiley:Well, congratulations to you both on a great season. What are some of the things? Just something unique. You learned, either about yourself or the activity this season specifically.
Ella Goodman:Just something unique, you learned either about yourself or the activity this season specifically.
Ella Goodman:I think I mean every speech season I think I've had a lot of like growth as a speaker and like as a person.
Ella Goodman:But this year I think I think I've always been really like scared to be like proud of myself, you know. But this year I think I just like decided I'm like you know, I'm working hard and if I'm like doing well, I'm putting in the work, like I am proud of myself and it's cool that I'm like placing and winning and that's awesome. And so I think I learned to be proud of myself and know that like I deserve my accomplishments because like I'm working hard for them. And I think I also learned that like I'm like I am capable of so much more than I think I am. You know, as long as I just like believe in myself, I feel like I mean I feel like this is, you know. As long as I just like believe in myself, I feel like I mean I feel like this is true for anybody as long as you just believe in yourself, you really can do anything you set your mind to. And I feel like that's also something that I realized this season about myself.
Lyle Wiley:That sounds like a really great journey of, like you know, self celebration and understanding. Yeah that's good. That's good. So did you do you feel like you did kind of celebrate a little bit more this year than you have in the past, Like for yourself? Yeah?
Ella Goodman:Cause I mean. I was always scared. So I don't know, I don't want to be like cocky or like bragging or things, but I'm like I don't. I do also want to be proud of myself, you know, and I think it's being proud of yourself is a good thing.
Lyle Wiley:Absolutely.
Ella Goodman:Yeah, yeah.
Lyle Wiley:But yeah, you are pretty like unassuming, pretty humble person, so that's like a kind of a complicated, difficult journey, so it's good that you're going through it now.
Ella Goodman:Yeah.
Lyle Wiley:And you do deserve a lot of celebration, so that's cool, thank you.
Ella Goodman:What about you, Addie? What about?
Lyle Wiley:you Addie. What about you? Did you? Did you learn some stuff about yourself this year?
Addy Goodman:I think I think I definitely did. I think I think I'm a pretty outgoing person usually, but I think I like become like pretty scared about like what the outcome of things is going to be. So I think I am a bit of like an overthinker with you know the way things are going to turn out, and at the start of this year I was just nervous that I wasn't going to do well and it just wasn't going to be as fun. But then I kind of just realized it's about like spreading a message that I feel like very passionate about. And I think that I learned that I like to like speak about things I feel very passionate about.
Addy Goodman:And I think that I learned that I like to like speak about things I feel very passionate about and the fact that even when it's really scary, I can do hard things. And you know, it's like a lot of people feel like scared in speech, obviously, like when they're performing and that kind of stuff. But I think remembering that you can do hard things is very important, because I thought about that a lot this year, especially at like nationals, like with expo's, like when I kept moving up, like it kind of got like more scary and like when, um, I made it to octofinals in humor and I remember I was like by myself in the room, which was very scary. But I think what I did before my performances in octofinals was in like, I guess like quarters, was like just reminding myself I can do hard things and I get to spread my message, which is like kind of what I learned this year.
Lyle Wiley:That's really awesome message which is like kind of what I learned this year. That's really awesome and it is like a lovely thing about speech and debate that, even though we're very we're.
Lyle Wiley:We're competitive, of course, like it's impossible to pull the competitive stuff out of it, but, uh, whether you know, whatever the results, you still get the opportunity to share what's important to you. Um, in a way that's just really incredible. So that's cool. I'm glad you both had some good revelations this year. I want to take a moment for just like a spooky interlude and ask you if you believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
Ella Goodman:What do you?
Lyle Wiley:think how do you guys feel about ghosts? Okay, not real.
Ella Goodman:I think ghosts I totally I think they are are totally real, but I think not in the way that like they're in a lot of movies, where they're like evil and out to get people. I think like, okay, this is what I like to think. I like to think that, you know, like when people die, they go. I don't know where they go. They go somewhere like in the sky or something I don't know. And then when they want just to like come like see people, like their loved ones, or they just want to go back, they I think they can just like come back to down and, just like you know, walk around, like do their own thing. I don't think people can see them, but like I don't think they're out to get people.
Ella Goodman:I don't think ghosts are like evil coming to haunt you. I think they're there like I don't know. Just I was gonna say living their lives, but they're dead. So they're not living their lives, but like I don't know, they're just doing their own thing, like just yeah, and I think that's maybe like when you like you remember someone that like like a loved one, that's like past or something you're like, you think about something, maybe that's them just like walking around. I don't know, that's what I like to think about something. Maybe that's them just like walking around.
Lyle Wiley:I don't know that's what I like to think about ghosts. That's a lovely idea. I'm not sure how the science of it works out or whatever, but I like it. I like it. What about you, Addie? Are you a ghost believer?
Addy Goodman:Yes, I was obsessed with ghosts in fifth grade. I would go to my school library and like get books about ghosts. So I feel like I think that ghosts I disagree with Ella. I think that they can haunt you know like if, if you're enemies with someone, you can haunt them as a ghost, in my opinion. I think I agree with Ella about like they can come back from wherever they are. They can come back like as a ghost and they can either haunt you or like just like her idea, just be with you, not live, but like be with you but also with the paranormal. No one can convince me that there isn't like something else out there, but like aliens. Yeah, our universe is just like. I've watched like a few videos of just like expanding from, like our small view of like our solar system, like an expanding outwards. There's just so much out there that I believe there is definitely other things.
Ella Goodman:It's definitely not just us. I 1000% believe in aliens. There is no way we're the only things alive in the whole universe. No way.
Addy Goodman:We've also seen some like things in the sky that are unexplained.
Ella Goodman:So I think they're spaceships.
Addy Goodman:Maybe yeah, or whatever. They're called Alien spaceships, yeah.
Ella Goodman:Okay. Also, I think ghosts can haunt people, but I think people need to give ghosts a break. I don't think they're all out here evil. That's my problem with people and when they think about ghosts. Not all ghosts are bad like that.
Lyle Wiley:Anyway, that's what I had to say about that l is out here fighting for ghosts representation and rights yeah I like it. Yeah, uh, we definitely have been talking about on the clapocalypse a lot about, like horror movies and ghosts and stuff. In a way, that's, uh, maybe a little bit unfair to these poor ghosts that are just trying to live their best un-life now, so I appreciate that.
Addy Goodman:Ellen, that's good.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, Addy, I kind of. I mean, I think it's difficult to just slam the door on anything paranormal, right, there's just too much stuff that's unexplained out there, so it's like I don't know.
Lyle Wiley:I think pretty reasonable to think something's going on, yeah, so I'm going to shift gears back. You both already talked a little bit about anxieties and some of the hard things that come with public speaking in general and just how scary it can be. I mean, ella's entire origin story is like I don't want to do this. This is not something I'm at all interested in.
Lyle Wiley:I don't know why I'm even trying to do this, but like I want to, I want to talk to you guys about like managing, uh, anxieties a little bit because, you've both been able to do it and be very successful, uh, both as like in in terms of competition and then also just in terms of sharing really, um, important perspectives that are important to you and I think that are important to be shared. So how, like I've got a big monster three-part question for you so and you can kind of take turns if you want answering this in parts but how have you experienced anxiety first and then how does that anxiety like manifest itself, like physically and emotionally for you and then, like what are some of the strategies that have worked for you for like managing that anxiety in performance and also just like social situations and stuff too in speech, Cause there's a lot of that as well.
Addy Goodman:It's not just performance.
Lyle Wiley:It's also like the whole thing right. There's a lot of anxiety that comes with all that.
Ella Goodman:I think I am a very anxious person. I've always been a very anxious person Like, um, oh my gosh, I've been to like therapy a few times for like anxiety and stuff. It's it's hard to deal with for sure. Um, and I think, especially when like speech is, it's a really scary thing to do to just go and talk in front of people, like, no matter what the event you do is, it's scary, it's a really scary thing. It can be really nerve wracking because you know everybody's just going to be like watching you for like however many minutes, like just you talking. And I think, oh my gosh, like in the COVID era, the online season I did not have to worry about this too much. If I was anxious, I was like jittery, you know, like bouncing my leg or like playing with my hands. Hands I could just get up and jump around. But when I had to go back in person for speech, that's when I had to really find a way to deal with it while sitting in a room without being disruptive.
Ella Goodman:But I think anxiety it manifests itself in me when I think I get really anxious. I like move a lot. It's really hard for me to be still, you know, and then that just gets me more worked up. Also, I think, like mentally, I'll just psych myself out. I'll be like what if I forget my speech? Or what if my boards fall off my stand? Or what if I go up there and like I don't know? I just like play the what if game with myself and I just think of like all these awful things that could happen. And then it, like you know, it's just like an endless cycle where you just get more and more nervous and it's really really hard to get out of, but it's not impossible, which is good.
Addy Goodman:Mine it's a little.
Addy Goodman:I think it's a bit unhealthy because of the fact that I think that I do get anxiety sometimes, but I don't really like to admit it or to like think about it.
Addy Goodman:I kind of just like push it to the back of my mind and then it just kind of like starts to build up in like the back of my mind and then it just becomes really hard for me to like, I don't know, just stay calm and I don't know.
Addy Goodman:So that's like a way it kind of affects me. And then another way I think it kind of affects me is I feel like I just have to be so good at everything I do right away, like I don't know, being a novice this year it felt like a little bit more difficult for me just because of the fact that I wanted perfection right away and like I was kind of telling myself that if I wasn't perfect right away, if I wasn't like placing in like varsity competition right away, like I wasn't doing it right or like I was bad at what I was doing doing it right or like I was bad at what I was doing. And I think that that's kind of the way that the anxiety kind of like built up and just kind of became a lot, but I've obviously found ways to like handle it yeah, do you do either of?
Ella Goodman:you have like physical manifestations of levels of anxiety and and just worry oh my gosh, when I get like sometimes oh, I remember I would be like sitting in rounds sometimes and I would just be so scared. You know, like I'm like moving around, like I'm keep shifting in my chair, like I start picking at like my fingers, I like I'm breathing really like rapid, like shallow breaths, which is not not good, not going to calm me down at all. And then you rapid, like shallow breaths, which is not not good, not going to calm me down at all, and then you know like your heart's beating super fast and it's just like you can't even really think about anything else other than the fact that you're just like really, you know, freaked out, you're really anxious and it's, it sucks, it really sucks.
Lyle Wiley:Addie, do you have some of those like physical manifestations too?
Addy Goodman:Yeah, I think a bit my heart obviously like goes up quite a bit and then I also kind of I like shiver. It's it's weird, but like I just start kind of like shivering. It's it's weird, I'm not sure why, because it's like obviously with I don't know, I just like it's usually warm where I am, but but it's just kind of like I just start shivering and then also, obviously, when I'm not in rounds and I kind of am like I guess, like by myself, sometimes I cry and I think that it is a way that my anxiety like comes out. But it's also kind of a way that I can just like decompress a little bit and just I don't know feel what I need to feel.
Ella Goodman:There's lots of crying at speech tournaments. But I think crying is a totally normal thing and, like our mom always says, that crying completes the stress cycle. I don't really know the whole science behind that, but I think it's true. I mean, after you have a good cry, you know, sometimes you just feel better. So I think it's normal to cry, it's okay to cry and sometimes it's nice.
Lyle Wiley:Yeah, cathartic, almost right, like just kind of like, take some of that off you. Yeah, so I think we're even dipping into some solutions. But, yeah, so what has helped you both manage your anxiety, your worry, your self doubt, the you know, just the fears that are involved with this universe? What are some of the things that you've done that have helped you?
Ella Goodman:I think, with the like, the what ifs, the catastrophizing I think you called it with that, I always, you know, I'm like, oh, I think of like, what if all these bad things happen? What if this happens? But then my mom, she just has all the best solutions for this stuff, but she, like she told me that if I'm like, okay if I, if you think what if? About all the bad things, you also have to think what if about all the good things. You have to be like, okay, what if? Yeah, what if I go up there and forget my speech? But what if I don't and I do it perfect? And what if my boards fall off my stand? But what if they stay? And it's like seamless, and I just do everything so perfectly Like I think, if you're going to, you know, play the what if game in the negative way, you also have to say what if to all the positive things as well.
Ella Goodman:And I think that's something that's helped me a lot, because then I realized, like this is all just like, it's just what if? Like, none of it has even happened yet. And so if I'm going to, you know, think about all the negative things that happen, I also have to think about. Well, what if I just go in this round and, like you know, kill it?
Addy Goodman:What if it all works out?
Ella Goodman:Yeah, I have. We're sitting right in front of a mirror in my room right now and I have a sticky note on there that says what if it all works out? And I like to like, if I start getting really freaked out about things and I just think, what if? About all the bad things? I just say to myself I'm like, what if it all works out? I think that has helped me a lot, kind of on like a similar note to that, I have these mantras that I like to say to myself Sometimes I like put it as my wallpaper, but I mean, I think mantras are different for everyone, like, uh, you know, just you can look them up and find ones that work for you. I have a few of them, but I think my favorite one. I like to say my strong feelings do not control me, and I think that really helps me a lot, because if I'm like no-transcript.